


only living with the memories

by ghostinthebook



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Immortality, M/M, Panic Attacks, angst with a somewhat happy ending, idk if it is one but i'm tagging it anyway just in case, it's about sizzy but there's a good amount of background malec, so there's that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 19:00:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19797064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostinthebook/pseuds/ghostinthebook
Summary: Simon realizes what his immortality means.





	only living with the memories

**Author's Note:**

> so, this is going off of that book quote from CoFA that's referenced in TftSA. i didn't quote it exactly, i kinda combined the two into one quote, and this is in show context. post-finale, though the only thing that really gives that away is that sizzy's a thing. since the show ended with Simon still a vampire, i figured this quote would still make sense and be applicable. little bit of a trigger warning here, in this fic, Simon has a panic attack (i think). i've never had one like the one described here, so i think it qualifies as one? anyway, please enjoy this little angst pile!!!

Magnus and Alec were fighting, and Simon was stuck in the same room as them.

There had been something going on with the warlocks lately, and Magnus wasn’t sharing what it was. Simon suspected that if that was the only thing going on, that it wouldn’t be that big of a problem. But, it seemed that more things were coming into play here.

Simon couldn’t leave. The door was on the other side of the room, locked. Otherwise, he would have snuck out already. Magnus and Alec seemed to have forgotten his presence.

“Why can’t you just tell me what it is?” Alec asked, voice loud and exasperated. From what Simon overheard (though he didn’t eavesdrop on purpose), the Clave told Alec to organize a meeting between some Clave representatives and some warlocks. Alec had brought up the idea to Magnus, who immediately said it couldn’t happen for at least another week. Alec had asked him for more details, Magnus refused to give them, and here they were.

“Just trust me, Alec,” Magnus responded, sounding equally as frustrated. “You can ask me in a week, but right now, I can’t tell you.”

They both looked like they hated to be fighting, but neither of them backed down. Simon just wished he could get out of here.

Simon looked up as Alec let out a frustrated grunt and headed towards the door. He unlocked it, and stormed off to somewhere else in the Institute.

Magnus was still standing there, hand partially outstretched towards the door. He let his hand drop, stared at the wall for a bit.

Simon slowly started to leave, seeing as he could now. When he was halfway across the room, Magnus suddenly looked at him.

He had an unreadable, far-away look in his eyes as he spoke to Simon.

“One day, we’ll be all that’s left.”

Magnus left the room immediately after saying this.

Then the full weight of those words hit Simon like a blow to the chest, leaving him gasping, leaning against a wall, even though he didn’t need to breathe.

Simon was a vampire. Immortal, like Magnus.

Almost everybody else Simon knew was mortal.

They were going to die. They were going to die, and he wouldn’t.

Him and Magnus would be the only two left, in what, a century?

Simon slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, staring into space.

He needed to call Izzy. He grabbed his phone and was barely looking at the screen as he brought up Izzy’s contact, pushed call.

“Simon?” Izzy asked. She was alive. She was alive. She was still alive.

“Izzy,” Simon said, his voice slightly cracking. “I’m immortal.”

“I know that, Simon,” Izzy said, as the background noise behind her became quieter, signaling that she was moving to a better place to have the conversation.

She’s on patrol, Simon remembered. He probably interrupted something, but he didn’t have it in him to apologize for it, not now.

He needed his girlfriend, he just needed to hear her voice.

He needed to know they still had time before she would die.

Inevitably, she would die. It was the truth, no matter how much he didn’t want to say it.

“I’m going to outlive you, Izzy.”

A tear slid down his cheek, and he let it fall.

He heard Izzy take the phone away from her ear as she shouted something, probably to the group she was with.

“I’m coming over there, okay?” Izzy said, much to Simon’s relief. He replied, said that he loved her, and she said the same and hung up.

Simon slowly stood up, making his way out of the room. He walked towards the front of the Institute, waiting for Izzy to show up.

As he waited, he saw Magnus and Alec standing in a corner, talking. They looked a lot less mad than earlier, and spoke close to each other, in quiet voices. He saw one of them lean forward and kiss the other.

It’s good they worked it out, Simon thought. It would have been a shame to see them fight for long.

Time was in a bit of a haze for Simon. Before he knew it, Izzy was there, pulling him into a hug. Holding him tight, and he held her right back.

“I’m alive,” Izzy said, reassuring him. She knew exactly what he needed to hear.

Another tear fell. And another. Simon cried, holding Izzy, his face on her shoulder, drilling into himself that she was still alive.

They had time.

He needed to appreciate the time he had, because before he would know it, it would be gone.

It would be just him and Magnus, mourning the Lightwoods. Mourning everybody.

Simon cried, and mourned what would happen in a century.

* * *

An hour later, Magnus apologized to Simon.

“I know what it’s like, to be immortal, and I shouldn’t have just said that out of nowhere. I’m sorry,” he said, and he looked sorry, too.

“I forgive you,” Simon said, holding on tight to Izzy’s hand. He had stopped crying, but he still needed that reassurance that she was still alive, that everyone was still alive.

Alec and Magnus had definitely come to an agreement, Simon could see. They had compromised, or apologized, or something. Tensions were lowered, and the two of them seemed like they were happy again.

Simon and Izzy were going to go on an unscheduled date, to cheer both of them up.

When Izzy had been comforting Simon, she hadn’t cried, but the mood was definitely brought down by a lot. Izzy wasn’t much of a crier. She did, sometimes, but for the most part, she didn’t cry much.

Over the many conversations they would end up having, about immortality, he suspected they would end up crying more. He knew this was just the first conversation out of an almost endless amount. It was a big, complicated subject, and they had just gotten the tip of the iceberg, so far. 

Magnus headed towards the door, leaving the two of them.

“You can talk to me about it, by the way,” Magnus added, on his way out. “I can try to give you some advice.”

“Thank you,” Simon said. After Magnus left, he asked Izzy if she was ready to go.

“Yeah, let’s head on out,” she said. They went outside, the night sky full of stars.

It was going to be a long, hard journey, but it would be worth it, Simon thought. It would be worth it, to be with Izzy.

One day, in a century or so, he and Magnus would be all that’s left.

But they wouldn’t be alone.

They would have the memories, of everyone, to keep them going.

It would be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is ghost-on-paper, i hope you guys enjoyed!!!


End file.
